On July 9th, 1863 an Irishman named Francis M. McCoy wrote a letter to his parents. He wore a Union uniform. His parents were in Ireland waiting for communication from one or all of their four boys. Their boys who had left them for a better life in America. Unfortunately, Francis McCoy wasn't writing with good news. The letter was to inform his parents of the passing of their son Roland McCoy. He died at Vicksburg, Mississippi from typhoid fever.
Francis McCoy was my great-great-grandfather. He was of the Christian faith as most folks were in those days and the horrors of war seem to have brought him closer to his faith. I cannot imagine having to write a letter like that, yet the thought of not writing it would weigh heavy on mind if I were Francis.
A great uncle of mine decided to write a small book about our geneology. It was titled "Beyond The Bluffs: McCoy-Kelly Family History. My great uncle: Rev. James R. McCoy is a minister (obviously) and as such included much Christian propaganda in it. However, I lucky enough to retain a copy of it and it has been an invaluable source to me. Francis M. McCoy was the grandfather of my paternal grandmother. Her side of the family was Irish through and through. She married a Stevens and though my grandfather Roy had told me once that his lineage goes back to Scotland, I'm unsure of where the last name Stevens comes from. I always knew it was English, but, scotish, I'm unsure.
So What's my point in writing this? Well, this little book was the only link to my past. My ancestry. I embraced my Irish roots fully. (Though I do not know what my mother's side was. She had told me once that her father was Native American..though wasn't sure what her mother was. I guess I'll have to buy a membership to Ancestry.com to find out...lol.)
I read this book nearly at the same moment I was losing my faith in Christianity. I couldn't get it out of my head, it seemed to plague me. One day, during my Atheist stint, I decided to investigate the history of my people. Ireland! What a fascinating and awful tale I found. That is for another blog. I dug in and read as much as I could, watched videos on youtube, etc. While searching "celtic" on youtube, I came across this video. The title of the video was: Celtic Reconstructionism made by a user named Fiacharrey. What a fascinating name for a video! So, I watched it and it intrigued me. I went to the site the video suggested. http://www.paganachd.com/ and a whole new world opened up to me. I was fascinated! I knew the moment I watched that video that I was Pagan. It's difficult to describe and frankly I was somewhat horrified by the revelation..lol. I mean, didn't Pagans worship Satan?? I started to message Fiacharrey through Youtube. Started asking him questions. He was gracious enough to answer anything I asked. Turned out he was a lawyer, practicing in Louisiana. His channel was dedicated to Celtic reconstructionism. (CR). I consider him my mentor and I have much respect for him.
With much study and investigation, I realized Satan had nothing to do with it. In fact, Satan was a Christian concept and since Pagans aren't Christians, there was no Satan. Only could a Christian make Satan the ruler of all things non-Christian. If there was no Satan, you sure as hell couldn't worship him, her, it. This blew my mind. Though I considered myself Atheist, there still was within me that Christian brainwashing, that Christian ideology. Could there possibly be a religion that doesn't involve Satan? Good vs. Evil?? etc. My mind was turned upside down. I was hooked.
Once I understood I was Pagan and was going to BE Pagan. I had to somehow tell my wife, Karen. She had grown up in the Moravian Church. I thought she was Christian. Though not necessarily practicing, Christian none-the-less. How was I going to tell her? Would she leave me? Think I was idiotic? Think I was evil?
So, I started showing her videos about CR. and asked her what she thought of them. She usually shrugged her shoulders and went on her way. So, I had to just come out with it. One night, when I had plenty of beer in me, I told her I had something to tell her and that I hoped she wouldn't look at me differently once I did. Considering she's my bestfriend, I usually felt I could tell her anything, but for some reason, this was different. So, I came out with it. I started this long drawn out conversation about my feelings and the strangest thing happend. She started to cry. I was like "OH HELL! I did it now!". LOL. But, I found out that her tears were tears of relief. She told me she felt like she couldn't share her feelings about HER faith because she was concerned how others would react, especially her family. She told me that she never believed in the Christian relgion even though she was made to go to church as a child. She walked her own path, a path she felt like she couldn't share with anyone. I went to her and held her in my arms and I realized that this was a new journey for both of us. We could support each other in our respective faiths, we could support each other in love.
It's been a difficult and fantastic ride since then. For a time Karen and I were solitary. We had our own family Grove. Slowly we brought the kids into it and surprisingly they were very receptive. We then decided to take it a step further and found a Pagan Community close by where we could network and find friends of like mind. We've found some very good friends that have become family. A small group of us have even formed our own Grove. Our children love ritual times and celebrating the holidays.
Unfortunately, the community at large aren't quite as accepting, especially considering we live in the buckle of the Bible Belt! On the bright side though, we haven't been lynched or burned at the stake! :D
