My conversion and recovery... Part 2

This is the second time I've had to start this blog! Today isn't the best of days for me and computers! Here I'm laying out the reasons of why I lost my Christian faith. A Rant.. If you are Christian, you might not want to read on. I dont' want to offend your faith. I have friends who are Christians, truly. But, the reason they are my friends is because they don't push their religion on me and accept me for who I am and what I believe.

There are several reasons I lost my faith in Christianity. I wasn't the type of person to take people's words for things. I never had the faith of a child, believing in only what I was told. I have always had to investigate things on my own.

Christians.
Christians were partly to blame for my "fall from grace". These people told me they loved me. Would smile and pat me on the back. But, when I started to question my faith, have problems financially or otherwise, they turned their backs on me. I was hurt many times by trusting people because the were Christian. My family has been hurt as well. It didn't take long for these people to go from loving me to loathing me. I found out how petty some of these people were. They didn't practice what they preached in the good things. They often lied and spread gossip around town about other people. They were as unlike Christ as any non-believer could possibly be. I don't question their faith. I know they belived in the resurection of Christ, they believe in the baptism of the holy spirit. They believe in the trinity and virgin birth. They are Christians. Some Christians would tell me that these people aren't "true" Christians..but, I disagree with that. "True" Christians is a ridiculous statement. It's just another way to say: I'm right and you're wrong. What I believe is truth and what you believe are lies. You don't cut the mustard, buddy! Come follow me, believe what I believe and you too can have what I have!..LOL. Some Christians would say: That's your fault, You shouldn't have put your trust in man.. you should have put your trust in the Lord. Man will always dissappoint you. That's true, but these people represent their faith, represent Christianity. They preach hate and judgement and, in that respect, they do practice what they preach. They use fear and guilt to convert people. They give charity to the poor and needy, but not for the sake of charity alone. It's a ruse so that they can covert those suffering people. They judge others constantly and want their dogma and doctrines put into schools and politics, regardless of whether the students and the electorate are Christian or not. They believe they have a monopoly on truth, love, hope and religion. They no longer believe in humility or humbleness, but would rather ostrisize and oppress those who do not believe the way they do. They cry persecution when anyone of any other faith calls them out and tries to lobby for equal treatment under the law, yet they are the majortiy religion in this country and in the majority of communites. It's impossible to persecute the majority! They are interested in domination. They are interested in endoctrinating your children whether or not they or you are Christian. They are interested in, not a representative republic.. but, in a theocracy. They only honor themselves. Some of them will even disown their own family members because they arne't Christian. I want to make it clear.. these are definitely generalizations and I understand not all Christians are this way. I know many Christians who are wonderful people and aren't like the kind of Christians described above. However, I see Christians changing to a more militant side the more their ideals are questioned and rejected.

The Bible.
As you've read in my first blog, I read the Bible independantly. Most Christians will say that when and if they do this, it should bolster your faith. It did quite the opposite. The Bible is full of contradictions. Full of innocent people being slaughtered by a, in my opinion, ruthless God who throws temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way. It promotes slavery and rape and the destruction of women, children and families, etc. Stories such as: Job, the flood, Jericho, Moses and the Pharoh (passover), Joshua and the promised land, Lot and Sodom, Garden of Eden, Paul and his writings, Jesus and his miracles, and much more. I found it all too ridiculous.. it's mythology and it became mythology in my mind. Many Christians will say, Most of what your list consists of is Old Testament stories and we aren't under Old Testament law. That was how it was back then. But, God is supposed to be perfect which means he's the same yesterday, today and forever. Which means the God of the Old Testament is the same God in the New Testament, regardless of how you sugar coat it. Though it is interesting when Christians say that they aren't under the Old Testament laws..unless those laws are convenient for use. Such as Tithing ten percent. But, not eating shellfish is ridiculous and keeping the sabath day is too inconvenient in the modern world. The God of the Bible is not different from other mythological Gods. He 's assigned human emotion and human flaws. The idea of an Omnipresent, Omniscient God is in my opinion one I cannot accept.

The Doctrines and the Dogma.
Then I took a look at  the Doctrines and the Dogmas. The Doctrines such as: free will, the trinity, original sin, Hell, Revelation prophecy, the literal bible and it being inspired by God, etc. I do not accept, cannot accept these doctrines. Just like a Christian cannot accept the docrtrines of Islam. Most of these Christians themselves cannot explain and those who try come up short. I guess it's a matter of perspectives and, of course, a matter of faith. Either you believe it or you don't. I cannot. I've had many debates with Christians on these topics and when I was on the other side, I had many debates about these subjects with non-believers. It all comes down to faith and what you are willing to believe.

The historical record.
When the dominoes began to drop.. I began studying how the Bible was canonized. Which books were selected from many and why. Christianity today is completely different from Christianity of the past. Before the Bible was canonized, there were a multitude of Christians practicing different versions of Christianity. There isn't a historical record of Jesus outside of the Bible. There are historical records of early Christians, but that is far different. There is more evidence that Yahweh was one God in a pantheon of Gods ... than there is that Jesus ever existed as man or God. It's obviously debatable..but, then again it all goes back to faith. Learning about the inquisitions which lasted from the 12the century until the 19th century in Europe and the witch hunts in Europe and America, which killed tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands of people (depending on which source you want to site) didn't help my love for orgainized religion, especially Christianity. Every culture Christianity has touched, it killed or affected it to such a degree that it would be uncrecognizable to that culture's ancestry. I could go on, but you get the point.

When I left the church, I didn't lose my faith completely. It was after 911 when it died completely. Prior to that, I still, to some degree considered myself a non-practicing Christian. Mainly because I didn't know what else I was. But, when 911 happend, I heard many Christians around where I live say that God took his hand of protection away from America and was comparing America to Sodom. If you read the story of Sodom, you'll find that there wasn't ten righteous people in the whole city. Being a veteran of the military and swearing an oath to protect America, I was apalled! There was also an incident where my ex-preacher decided to run with a rumor he heard about me. He tried to destroy my reputation...needless to say I didn't appreciate that and expected more from a minister. There was one more incident that was the straw that broke the camels back. My son went to church camp. They told him that he was evil without Christ and they told him about hell. He was 8. When he came back, he had nightmares about me burning in hell! He cried uncontrollably. That was it. Kiss my ass! I became an atheist! There is much more I could say.. but, I'll stop..lol.

My next blog will be about finding my faith...and more about my recovery...